Why is it a complete pleasure to be around some people? After some conversation or small talk moments, you feel that you have established trust and some degree of consistency with them.
This is what they are doing that others are not doing: strengthening and nurturing relationships through their attention.
During my time as an agent, building this type of relationship was an important skill, especially when conducting research, developing resources, or just working with other agencies.
We think about building relationships that we only do once, maybe when we first meet and know someone. not so. Relationship building is something that extraordinary people do every time they interact with others.
As a human behavior researcher, I’ve found that the “agree and disagree” approach is one of the most effective ways to help people feel more comfortable in front of you.
How to be smooth In Small Conversation
Basically, it works like this: the person may say, “This trip is useless!” To which you say, “It’s really useless,” and then add, “Especially when there’s an accident.”
With this one statement, you have told them that you are listening, that you have been confirmed, and that you have received it.
You, or someone else, can also answer with a related topic (“I started listening to this podcast about [X] to make the journey less painful …”), a funny one. The story (“The other day, I was falling, my kids dropped out of school, and [X] happened …”) or the question (“How’s your summer so far? Do you have a chance to spend time with the kids?” Got it? “) – Allow the conversation to continue and progress on something that is more. Interesting, mentally stimulating, and fulfilling.
Another example: someone says, “He knows so much.” To which you reply, “That is, isn’t it? It always has to be the last word. It is a simple repetition of what was said, with some small things added that tell you that you Understand and adapt.
When I use this technique with my resources, it will make them like me, trust me and make me feel more comfortable with them, thus making them feel that they can be more honest.
It’s even better if you say “yes” or “uh-huh” or just shake your head a few times. Of course, sometimes the verification head works fine. But in order to validate the thoughts and feelings of others, it is best to agree and work together.
How to disagree: Agree, add and confirm.
Coincidentally, this does not mean that you cannot disagree. If you are completely opposed to what someone is saying and find it objectionable, feel free to express it.
But there is a way to do it with nuance. As before, you agree and add something – but then confirm your views or beliefs on the matter.
It may sound like this: “Yeah, traveling is really useless, especially in the winter.” Then, after a few seconds, you confirm: “But fairly, it’s remarkable how they keep the roads open after heavy snowfall.”
Or you could say, “I agree with you. Travel smells bad and it’s a big hassle. But it’s definitely better now than it was last year.”
Just because you hear someone’s words and acknowledge them doesn’t mean you have to bow to them. There is a place for your own taking, and in this way, you demonstrate sincerity and honesty.
But for the sake of harmony, it is wise to agree, to include, and to confirm.
I know amazing, intelligent people who just don’t understand, and they end up having a pleasant conversation by correcting the slightest detail or making a clear disagreement.
When we let everyone feel that they can talk and share ideas, communication is very successful and cooperative. You don’t always have to correct or edit what others say. If you constantly object to what people are saying, they will get tired of talking to you.
It’s more than just a small conversation
You can also apply this communication strategy with a deep, serious, and long conversation.
Remember, relationship building always starts with the emotional level. The implicit message you want to convey is: “What you are feeling right now is important to me. And I am going to meet you where you are emotional so that you know that I am with you in thought and emotion.”