What happens these days is an aggravation of abusive relationships. They have always been non-existent, but many years ago, people did not discuss them. Once you’re married, you’re married, for better or for worse. Many times, in fact, the death of one of the spouses separated them. It was the cause of death that made the situation so humiliating and so tragic.
It is better not to start such a relationship at all.
Believe it or not, there are many ways to avoid being part of one. Granted, you can’t always tell if you’re getting involved with a maniac. Sometimes they hide it very effectively until they can tame you firmly. Only then will you see their true colors. However, their carefully crafted armor almost always has some knots that you can see for yourself.
The first thing you’ll probably notice is a control problem.
It usually comes into play a little bit at a time. It might come up the first time you’re dressed to go out and he subtly suggests that a different outfit looks a lot better on you, or that he prefers you in a red dress rather than a black one. If you give in to that, he’ll do it again and again. You might not have noticed that first control move, but you should pay attention if it starts dictating your wardrobe all the time.
Another thing that is also a controlling technique is when he slowly starts trying to isolate you from your family and friends.
He’s usually smart enough to keep it to a minimum and uses little things that keep you from realizing what his real plan is. It could be something like telling you that he thinks your parents, sister, or your best friend doesn’t like him. Even if you didn’t notice anything yourself when you care enough about someone you don’t want to believe that they are lying to you. So when you are around people who are accused of not liking him, you accept it as fact and alert yourself.
Most likely, no one has ever said or done anything like this to trick this guy into thinking they don’t like him. He is just trying to instill so much doubt in your mind that you will only trust him and stay away from people who “don’t like” him. This gets you where he wants you: isolated and insecure about what he might do next with you.
When you see these danger signs, it’s time to run, not walk, as fast as you can and get away from this guy. The longer you stay, the worse it will get. The worst thing you can do is stick with him under the impression that you can change him. That’s never going to happen. The longer you stay, the worse things will get. When you see any of these signs, it’s time to cut your losses and move on.
